What, both of you are Stanford graduates, but your final conclusion after mountains of research is for me to drink excessively to cure my heart disease?”
I expressed my confusion towards the irresponsible folk remedy Dr. Yu and his brother, “Poison King”, gave me even though they underwent higher education in America.
Dr. Yu pondered for a moment, “Ye Lin, although my brother is confident, I personally think that you shouldn’t try all kinds of alcohol for the time being…”
“Who would try it? Do you think I’m an alcoholic or a sommelier? Since both of you have a deep background in medicine, you should at least prescribe me medicine. Would I die if you prescribe some medicine to cure me?”
“But, don’t you think, Ye Lin, curing strange diseases with everyday items is very impressive and worth bragging about.”
“What do you mean?”
“Modern medical instruments are becoming more specialized and more developed. In the medical circle, after your skills reaches a certain point, saving people with ordinary methods is no longer worth boasting. But in special cases, using fruit knives or glass pieces to perform open-heart surgery, or letting a patient wear a pineapple on their head to treat migraines, will make it more likely for you to earn recognition among peers…”
“Hey, if you have a pineapple on your head, you wouldn’t be able to leave your home even if your migraine was cured. I remember the Monkey King in “Journey to the West” once wore a pineapple on his head as a crown. Even if the first actor for the Monkey King died, there’s no need to wear a pineapple on your head to commemorate the first generation of the Monkey King, right?”
“Ah, sorry I misspoke, it’s not wearing a pineapple on your head, but using pineapple water to wash your hair.” Dr. Yu corrected, “Anyway, my brother probably thought that if you were allowed to drink vodka and Sorghum liquor to cure your heart disease, he could tell everyone in the future and cause his peers to respect him…”
“Respect my ass.” I almost died of anger, “So he’s going to use my life to do experiments just to show off? If the key to cure me lies in alcohol, then why not make some medicine with alcohol as base component? I think that would be safer than letting me frantically test alcohol, what if I accidentally drink counterfeit Shanxi alchohol.”
Scenario playing in my head:
After I accidentally drank counterfeit alcohol, I became blind and was wearing a long shirt with sunglasses. I was holding Obama’s leash, the seeing eye dog Ai Mi gave me, as I walked down the streets of Dong Shan city.
Some busybody said from afar, “Don’t walk so fast, come play us a song and then go.”
I was furious and took off my sunglasses to reveal a pair of Terminator T800-like glowing red mechanical eyes, the high-tech eyes that Dr. Yu made for me out of guilt.
“Zap.”
Two high-powered red lasers shot out from my mechanical eyes and those people were instantly vaporized.
I put my sunglasses back on while still holding onto Obama’s leash in my left hand, then I put my right hand behind my back.
Anyway, I will never try alcohol, I’m not good at drinking and it’s not like I’m going to practice drunken fist. Hurry up and go get me an antidote with alcohol as the main ingredient!
Hearing that I was firmly opposed to drinking indiscriminately, Dr. Yu regrettably shifted his Google glasses.
“So, Ye Lin, you’re not going to help us explore the medicinal value of Vodka and Sorghum liquour?”
“What kind of medicinal value do those two types of highly concentrated alcohol have other than reincarnating the patient? Didn’t your brother say that if he couldn’t cure me, he would die with me, so why actually let me drink indiscriminately for the experiment.”
“To be precise, my brother did not say that he would die together with you.” Dr. Yu reminded me, “My brother’s original words were: if he didn’t cure you and you died, then he would drink 500cc of your blood to give him the same heart disease, then put his life on the line to challenge it again…”
“Now we already know that the key to the cure is alcohol, so if you drink Sorghum liquor and die, then my brother would at least know that Sorghum liquor is not effective, so he could try vodka…”
So you intend to use me as a guinea pig? Dr. Yu, your brother is even worse than you! At least you don’t let your patients die, but for your brother, as long as he cures a difficult disease, it doesn’t matter even if his patients die.
After giving me a physical examination, Dr. Yu began to repair B-2’s transmitting antenna and turned off its power supply beforehand.
“Ye Lin, if you think my brother’s suggestion is not reliable, then you can wait until I do some animal experiments to estimate the approximate alcohol content, and then treat you with other drugs.”
“What kind of animals are you going to use for your experiments.”
“Mice, I always use mice, unlike my brother who likes to use primates.”
I was a little relieved. I was someone who relatively liked animals, so if Dr. Yu said he will use cats, dogs, monkeys, or other animals to do experiments, I might really drink Sorghum liquor myself to verify its efficacy. It’s probably because I’ve seen the cat catch mice many times at my grandparents place, so I don’t really have much sympathy for rodents.
“Because of the small size of mice, only a small amount of your blood is needed to give them the same disease.” Dr. Yu continued to explain while doing work on B-2’s transmitting antennae, “Then I will create an injection with alcohol as the main ingredient. If I can achieve stable efficacy, I can conduct clinical trials on you.”
I nodded. I thought that although Dr. Yu wasn’t a pharmacology specialist, his methods were much more reliable than his brother’s.
“Ye Lin, while I’m conducting animal experiments, you still can’t be careless and you have to continue to follow my previous instructions to avoid excessive stress on your heart.”
“I know, I will survive until the day you make the antidote, Dr. Yu.”
“But if you feel you’re in a bad spot, you can drink a little alcohol to ease the situation.” Dr. Yu went on to say, “Your situation is special, so drinking a little alcohol is safer than taking heart pills.”
Other people all say drinking causes heart problems, but for me, drinking can cure heart problems? Also, I might even be cured if I choose the right type of alcohol and drink a lot of it.
How can there be such an irresponsible heart disease? Should I contact a bunch of distilleries and tell them to make me their spokesman to prove that drinking is harmless, but also good for your health.
After fixing B-2’s ear, Dr. Yu also installed an anesthesia needle launcher module that was prepared a long time ago onto B-2. The sharp needle that will be usually hidden in the ammunition box on the back of B-2 looked quite scary.
“There are a total of four rounds of anesthesia needles.” Dr. Yu said while screwing the bolts on B-2, “The default is the maximum dose, even elephants can be anesthetized. Before the launch, it will use a camera to estimate the weight of the opponent. After the anesthesia needle hits, it will do a second calculation, to ensure no deaths will occur from an anesthesia overdose…”
“Um…” I frowned, “Do you need to set the default dose to an amount that would anesthetize an elephant?”
Dr. Yu asked me rhetorically, “Do you think Ai Mi will mess with an elephant?”
It’s possible, instead of letting Peng TouSi fight the elephant when the time comes, it’s better to let the elephant take a shot of anesthetic, then compensate the zoo afterwards.
“Dr. Yu, you’re pretty thoughtful. It’s no big deal wasting a little anesthetic, as long as it prevents my sister from being hurt by an elephant…”
“Beep.” At this time, B-2 was restarted by Dr. Yu. It heard the second half of my sentence, immediately went online to find relevant information and recited in a very irritating and flat tone:.
“Elephant. Beep. An animal with a high entertainment value. Crayon Shin-chan once wrote an “Elephant Song” for it, the lyrics are: ‘Elephant, elephant, why is your trunk so long~~~ mom said your beautiful because your trunk is long~~~”
“Beep. The word is a double entendre, according to my AI, the elephant refers to a certain body organ of the male, which is commonly known as the penis. When the third master said to prevent his sister from being hurt by an elephant…”
“Shut up.” I ordered in exasperation, “If you don’t shut up, I’ll beat you up with Ai Mi.”
After spending nearly an hour at Dr. Yu’s place, I was worried that Ai Mi, who stayed in room 101, would be at odds with Xiao Qin and hurried back. B-2, who had its ears repaired and equipped with the anesthesia needle firing system, naturally followed slowly behind me.
“Beep. I’m so depressed.”
B-2 sighed with a flat tone of voice.
“You’re a robot, so why are you depressed.” I said in a bad mood, “Is it because Dr. Yu who made you has ‘Yu’ as his last name.” (The word for being depressed is You Yu)
“Beep. Sad thoughts as I think of my hometown. I sigh into the winds and I break inside.”
Stop reciting Cao Pi’s poem! Do you think it’s impressive you can connect to the internet and find poems online? Also, where is your hometown, do you also come from the 22nd century like a certain robot cat? How can you claim to be from the 22nd century, if you don’t even have a 4D pocket? I want a refund, let me exchange for a robot without ears that likes to eat dorayaki!
Before we reached room 101, I saw Ai Mi and Xiao Qin come out of the door one after the other, and Peng TouSi was next to them while holding Obama’s leash.
I realized that Ai Mi and Xiao Qin appeared to be getting along. Ai MI had an overbearing posture of a master while Xiao Qin seemed docile to accommodate Ai Mi.
Ai Mi, why are you putting on airs? It’s true that you’re the owner of the VIP building, but don’t forget that the VIP building is in Qing Zi Academy! Xiao Qin’s uncle is also the owner of Qing Zi Academy, so basically Xiao Qin is the true owner, okay?
“Hmph.” Ai Mi proudly and arrogantly took the leash from Peng TouSi’s hand, “Since the violent girl promised that I can stop taking boring exams next semester, I will temporarily forgive her for seducing the manservant. After all, she also saved the manservant once in Cui Song Mountain.
“But the manservant’s girlfriend will naturally be my maid.” Ai Mi immediately added, “Don’t think that you can make me call you older sister just because you’re older than me. Instead, you have to call me Miss Ai Mi and serve me like a maid when you’re beside me.”
“That’s perfectly fine.” Xiao Qin nodded without hesitation, “Since Ye Lin classmate is Miss Ai Mi’s manservant outside, then I look forward to be a maid…”
“(^__^) hehehe… it doesn’t matter even if you make me wear a maid’s outfit…”
“Keep dreaming, who would give you a maid’s outfit.” Ai Mi twitched her mouth, “I won’t agree when you voluntarily ask to wear a maid’s outfit, but I should let Katyusha wear a maid’s outfit and serve me a little…”
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