The topic old man Zhang assigned us was ‘Love Has No Boundaries’, with a word count requirement of 800 words. I assume my classmates wrote about the Sichuan earthquake, the Yushu earthquake, or the Gansu earthquake… anyway, there’s no love without earthquakes.
I stood up with a blank workbook and numerous heroic characters flashed through my mind.
I smirked and decided I wouldn’t yield to fate. I decided I would make up an 800 word essay on the spot to fool the teacher.
I’ve said before that my dad is a chatterbox, so it also applies to me. The reason why I don’t get good grades in language class, especially in essays, is because I often forget words and stray off topic.
“Ahem.” I feigned composure and cleared my throat. I then brought the book to chest level and began to read aloud:
“Love has no boundaries, but what exactly do we mean by boundaries? Boundaries refer to national boundaries. Let me make an example, the Diaoyu islands is within our national boundaries…”
Everyone all widened their eyes and waited for what I had to say next as I transitioned from a light topic of ‘Love has no boundaries’ to a heavy topic about the Diaoyu islands.
I became even more nervous with everyone staring at me.
“Um, so Diaoyu island is within the boundaries and the country advocates Love without Boundaries. This reminds me of a phrase form the Bible which says to not only love your friends but also your enemies. That means love is the most important and boundaries doesn’t really matter. In order to spread the love, we not only have to love our fellow citizens, but also people from other countries, for example… we have to love the Japanese…”
Xiong YaoYue was hiding behind her textbook and drinking juice, but she spat it all out when she heard my words.
My classmates began to discuss among themselves amidst the chaos.
“Ye Lin’s so funny, how can we love Japanese people? Didn’t we say that even if aliens invaded, we would still Japan first?”
Eunuch Cao helped me explain: “You guys don’t understand my master’s thought process. When my master says we should love the Japanese, he’s referring to people like Sola Aoi, Ran Asakawa, Akiho Yoshizawa, Kaede Matsushima, Hime Kamiya, Maria Ozawa… we have to love these Japanese people. If one day our army lands in Tokyo, I’ll volunteer to be a goodwill ambassador to comfort the Japanese lolis who have been traumatized by the war.”
“Oh, so you want to traumatize them personally by yourself?”
The boy who sat next to Eunuch Cao already had good comebacks every time to ridicule him.
Xiao Qin, on the other hand, was looking at me with respect.
Old man Zhang slapped the table to make everyone quiet down. Then he told me to continue reading.
I could only keep on making up nonsense following my previous line of thought:
“Uh, since love has no boundaries and we should love the Japanese… then we should just give them the Diaoyu islands to repair our relationship.”
My words shocked everyone in the class. Xiao Qin was the only exception who had no reaction.
Niu ShiLi was the first to send me a hostile look. I heard he was a member in the TieXue and Peoples forums, basically a young and angry youth. (TN: all Chinese nationalistic forum sites)
Old man Zhang laughed involuntarily, “Ye Lin, I remember you were quite the fascist before, when did you suddenly become a traitor?”
“I, I’m not a traitor!” I rebutted, “I only came to this conclusion based on the essay topic. Besides, in my last essay I said we should kill all the Japanese and you weren’t happy. So why are you still unhappy when I said I want peace between China and Japan?”
Old man Zhang stroked his chin and looked around the class. It seems he was going to admonish me along wiht the rest of the class.
“You guys are still to young to criticize international politics. One job of students is to remain calm, do you guys understand?”
“We understand.” the students replied unanimously, but not everyone replied. The class leader only moved her lips, but didn’t say anything.
It was Xiong YaoYue who was louder than anyone as if she would win the championship if she shouted the loudest.
“Ye Lin.” Old man Zhang once again locked his sights on me, “Did you even do the homework, are you making it up on the spot?”
My legs trembled, but I wouldn’t admit it: “I wrote it, but I only strayed off topic. I think you should know I always stray off topic.”
“Is that so.” Old man Zhang adjusted his glasses, “Then continue reading and let me see how far you can run off topic in 800 words.”
As I was worrying about how to make up the rest, Xiao Qin whispered to me under the cover of her textbook:
“Rather than loving strangers, we should love the ones next to us…”
I thought her words sounded reasonable, so I slowed my pace down and repeated her words:
“Rather than loving strangers, we should love the ones near us…”
“Like our wife….”
“Like our wife… what.”
The class erupted in laughter. Xiong YaoYue laughed while banging the table and got scolded.
Old man Zhang coughed and ridiculed:
“Ah Ye Lin, it looks like you’re a good man. Even though you were just a traitor earlier, now you’re saying you would be a good husband. Since everyone in the class heard, are there any girls who want to marry him?”
Xiao Qin raised her hand, but old man Zhang didn’t notice her.
The class leader shifted her gaze away from me as if to avoid suspicion.
“Is there still more?” Old man Zhang asked.
I didn’t back down or show weakness, “Of course.”
So I just continued along with Xiao Qin’s view of loving your wife,”Um, as you all know, loving your wife isn’t considered great love…. great love has no boundaries.”
What I said became more and more confusing.
“We not only have to love our own wives, but also other people’s wives…”
Old man Zhang who had a cup of hot tea near his mouth almost choked when he heard.
“That’s enough.” Old man Zhang waved at me to sit down, “I already know you didn’t do your homework. As punishment write your name for ten pages then hand it in tomorrow.”
“Can you let me write Niu ShiLi’s name?”
Niu ShiLi looked at me in fright. Even though Xiong YaoYue said she would keep it a secret, Little Smart and the other fujoshi all spread news I was gay. Niu ShiLi must be worried I was interested in him.
“Why do you want to copy his name?” Old man Zhang was baffled.
“My name is so hard to write, but his name is so easy to write!”
“Sure. As long as Niu ShiLi accepts he would write your name the next time he’s punished. How about you guys switch names while you’re at it?”
I turned silent. It would be too weird for two guys to be writing each other’s names as punishment.
“Teacher…” Little Smart suddenly raised her hand, “My chest hurts, can I rest in the infirmary?”
After receiving approval, Loud Mouth said, “I’ll go with her.” and escaped from class.
Did Little Smart get upset from that? I only didn’t want to write my name because it had too many strokes.
The class leader came to check on Xiao Qin after class. She was worried about Xiao Qin’s sudden outburst yesterday.
Xiao Qin was really friendly with the class leader and she seemed like a completely different person than yesterday.
“Ye Lin classmate and I stayed in the classroom for a bit and the weather cleared up. We didn’t get soaked on our way home.”
“Then… that’s good…” the class leader was a bit hesitant and didn’t ask any more about why Xiao Qin was angry.
“Class leader. Did you meet anyone troublesome on your way to school?”
The class leader thought about it, “I never saw those people from yesterday… I even put three tennis balls in my bike basket just in case…”
I abruptly thought that regardless if Xiao Qin becomes my stepsister or my girlfriend, her subordinates would also become my subordinates. So that means the ‘Ye Lin Gang’ would be composed of the Five Tiger Punishment Squad and also the Rose Three. Not only is the Rose Three stronger than the Five Tigers, their ugliness is also unparalleled.
Shu Zhe has already mentioned many times I didn’t have enough followers, he said the boss should have at least twenty to thirty subordinates, but why would I even need that many.
Now, if anybody laughs at me by saying I have so few followers, I could rebut them and say:
“You may have more subordinates, but do you have any uglier ones than mines?”
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